The drudge

I am once again struggling to shift some sort of virus, it started last week with migraines and I am just generally lethargic, bloated and rough!  I am sick death of not being able to drag myself into the world of the well, I just seem to completely incapable of dealing with a lack of sleep.  I seemed to manage when I was breast feeding, but I just feel like my body is failing all around me and that terrifies me.

Having a child drags your mortality out of hiding in the shadows and hits you repeatedly around the face.  The fear of not being there for Leo and being able to watch him grow up and guide him through life strikes fear deep in my guts and I hate it!

I have never felt this consistently unwell and I feel like I have lost faith in good eating and exercise, I feel like it isn’t worth all the effort and hard work on top of feeling like shit and I hate it! I am genuinely a little concerned about my health, I just want to have energy and feel happy and light, free of worry and fatigue and no matter what I try I just seem to be able to get there!


Something has got me good 

In typical ‘you’ve booked time off’ style, something has wiped me out. Severe fatigue, joint pain and the grand finale of a migraine. I never get them, I’m assuming that is what it is and I was totally unprepared. 

Ice packs and shit food were in order and a total disregard for my fat content and progress I think general. That in itself creates a huge internal battle, as I know that shit food is the last thing an ailing body requires, but the last thing an ailing body feels like doing is cooking and thinking about cooking. That’s one of the biggest issues I have with ethical eating, is that you don’t have access to quick and easy food and everything takes a thousand pans and an hour or more to sort.. If not that, it at least takes some planning! 

Oh well, I will deal with the regret when I get on the scales.. Until then, it is what it is! 

Something is working

and I imagine it is the yoga. Whilst I am struggling to manage the progress through the additional discomfort, I am finding a way none the less.  At the gym today, I thought I would finish with a stretch that never fails to progress. I have done this stretch since I started in the gym as it really helped to ease off the knee pain that I experience when I am tight through my pelvis and hips.

January’s attempt


Today’s attempt.  Considerably better

As the only thing that I have been doing differently is yoga, then the conclusion is that it is yoga that is helping.  Clearly the pain is achieving something, although I do need to work out how to reduce the fatigue I am putting on my tendons as the last thing I need is RSI.  When I was working out this morning, I just avoided pushing down through my heels and I also kept a bend in my knee.  This stopped any feeling of strain and nerve pain that I was experiencing before.

I moved up to the next beginner level and it was incredibly tough, I wont do another session now until Thursday morning.  Tomorrow morning I am going to do some abs work as I haven’t done that for a long time!






Physical fail

The usual thing that puts a slow down on my fitness journey, pain. This time it’s my heels. I think I went in too quickly with the yoga and have overdone the stretch on my hamstrings, which in turn has irritated my achilies. This is obviously not a great thing to cause harm to, so I need to take it easy. 

This is one thing the app doesn’t include information on,  which as a beginner would be incredibly helpful: how to do yoga when you don’t bend! It would be great to have a section where you could view tips on how to start the positions without damaging yourself. 

I think for now I will have to reduce it to two sessions a week and get back onto strength stuff too. The weather was amazing this weekend and all I could see was my flabby triceps, back fat and untoned legs. As much as I don’t want that to be an issue for me, it is! 

The quest continues 

We found Huel whilst looking for a time saving, waste saving, fully balanced meal alternative when I went back to work. The idea was to replace all meals in the week for simplicity and the time eat normally at the weekends. 

This failed for two reasons, I love looking at food. I love a plate full of brightly coloured yumminess, it lifts my spirit on a dull day. So, there is fail number one. 

If it was that alone, huel would still have its place because I actually really enjoy it and it’s easy to grab and it’s vegan, which is key now I am on my ethical eating drive. Alas, it is not just that. Since they have changed the recipe, I can not tolerate it for more than one day and one meal: the second I go to more, I suffer terrible tummy cramps. Not really sure why. 

As I still need a decent go to, I have gone back to a brand we used to use but ruled out when we found huel as it is more expensive by quite a way. Garden of Life is a raw, plant based nutritionally complete option but the issue I have with it is that it is really quite gritty and no where near as enjoyable. So, I am on a mission. 

I have another incentive for it as I want to help my friend who is basically allergic to every food known to man and he needs something when he is out and about so that he doesn’t default back to bread and then die immediately. I am in the process of collating all nutrional information for all vegan, gluten free and nutritionally complete meal replacements so that I can see what is what. I want to compare ingredients too, as I suspect the issue with Huel for my friend is maltodextrin as he seems to have a complex carb intolerance and maltodextrin is a known irritant there. 

It’s wrecking my head a little at how long it is taking, it’s mainly because they all list in different formats so I am having to convert. Anyone who knows me will know that a) I am utterly shit with maths b) I am utterly shit with Excel.. Winning combo right there! 

I have found another I want to try, Vega that’s not too expensive, I will see if Holland and Barrett do the sample packs. I just need to ascertain if they are nutritionally complete. 

I am genuinely gutted about huel, but I can’t risk irritating my gut when that’s just not a normal thing for me. I will find something, it may be that I just force myself to tolerate the gritty Garden of Life option..

Hyyge and yoga to start the day

It was actually far less harsh than this picture makes it look, along with a couple of fake candles that are actually pretty realistic and my morning yoga room was ready to go.

I’m really enjoying my yoga, the app is fantastic and it’s really inspiring me to get on and do it whenever I have chance. I am ridiculously limited through my hamstrings, I need to look into how to adapt certain moves to compensate. I’m not sure whether it is better to bend my knees and have my hands flat on the floor or legs straight and be nowhere near the floor. Both options make me feel like I am over stretching my hams and I can feel the sciatic nerve irritation; which is obviously not a good thing. 

This is definitely the route I want to progress, I also want to keep doing my lunch time sessions in the gym to balance it all out and walk a couple of times a week too. 

I feel shattered at the minute, not sure why as I’m no worse off for sleep than normal and no more stressed at work but I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus! Will give it a couple of weeks and then consider getting myself checked out. There needs to be more hours in the day! 

Yoga is on

I have dabbled with yoga on and off over the last few years, never really making a huge amount of progress because classes always clashed with my horse times. Now the problem I have is that classes clash with family times.

I just happened to stumble upon a yoga app that I absolutely love. Its called Down Dog and it came up on my Instagram feed. Its tough but the flow is great, the music works really well and its easy to follow.  Rather than a video you have to watch, you get images that show the link moves so you can get them at a quick glance.

I am ridiculously tight through the side of my body and upper torso, the likes of chair pose absolutely destroys me because it pulls all under my scapula and also requires hamstring flexibility, which I don’t have! I feel great after a session, I have been managing to fit in half an hour in the mornings when I was doing my walking, consequently, I am not getting my blogging time or my cardio workout! I’m not really sure how to fit it all in, but currently I am loving this so I am doing it.  I feel so restricted by my lack of flexibility and it is something I have always talked about improving: so here I am.

Tough mudder is going to be, well, tough! Unnecessarily so as we have signed up for the 20k, so with enjoyment in mind, we are going to see if we can switch to the half one.  I have nothing to prove, I don’t want to do it and hate it.  When you lack to the time to do things, you want to enjoy what you can fit in.

My next aim is to do 45 mins, I was meant to get up at 4.30 am this morning and do my first, but Leo had other ideas.  He woke up at 3.30 am and decided he wanted to be awake until gone 5 am.  I can also feel myself getting poorly and it feels in my chest.  Weak spot alert, so I have gone back to bed to give my body the rest it needs to fight it!