This is something I have struggled with since returning to work: the motivation to get back to eating well and exercising well. Someone reached out to me recently and asked me how to motivate themselves, so it got me thinking about it.
Motivation isn’t something you can force, in fact it’s the exact opposite, you have to look in many places until you find it’s glimmer: then you have to gently nurture it like the embers of a fire.
My biggest hindrance this time around is knowing how motivated I was and how well behaved I was as far as diet and fitness were concerned. The mistake I made was assuming I would easily get back to where I was and be motivated in the same way.
I am a completely different person now: mentally and physically. The motivation I had pre baby, didn’t come on like a light switch, it grew. I never assumed it should be there and this is what I am doing now. I’m trying to immediately emulate what I had before and that’s just wrong for me. I need to reset and accept this is a new journey, work for the quick wins and nurture that ember. Before I know it, the fire will be back, it already feels much stronger just from that simple change of mindset.
I went out riding for the first time since April 2015, when I sold my final horse. My friend has polo ponies, so it was a very different experience to what I am used to. Regardless of feeling like a total novice and being completely incompetent with anything even remotely outdoorsy, it was great. We even got utterly piss wet through, so a good authentic summer hack in the UK.
The polo saddle is also totally different to the saddles I used to sit in. Mine were padded and luxurious, polo saddles are designed to keep you as close to the horse as they can, so padding is not a luxury to be afforded. Needless to say, by ass bones are really quite unhappy right now and I’d imagine the situation will be no more improved by the morning.
My kit hadn’t been used for so long, a poor little dormouse had taken up residency in my boot for what I can only imagine was a winter slumber: but never came out the other side. As sad as it is, my handling of its removal was a source of amusement.
I can feel a miniscule difference in strength when I am working out my quads and I am far less restricted in my calves. I still can only just manage 2k running without my knees hurting but that is to be expected. I definitely won’t be doing the full mudder in September!
Progress is hampered considerably by my lack of time in the gym, moving jobs has meant I only get 40 mins. This won’t be an issue once I can get onto heavier, more consistent workouts as I can reduce the reps. It’s frustrating that I am still wittering on about getting back into my rhythm a year down the line, I am one of the people I used to scoff at for constantly making excuses! There are none, I lack willpower, I am permanently frazzled from working full time and being a mum, I have just left a job I out my heart and soul into and was basically pushed out of on my return and I just need to reinvent it all, but don’t know where to start. I don’t feel strong in any way right now.
That aside though, there is some progress, no matter how small!
I am on the final stretch of my notice period, only two days left to go. Whilst I am really looking forward to the new adventure ahead, I am a creature of habit and the prospect of a routine change fills me with dread. Whilst the journey in is no different as I am just around the corner from where I am now, the logistics of gym time are a pain in my ass.
It is just a bit too far away to get to the gym I currently go to now, it would take me 13 minutes, at least, each way: precious gym time being eaten away there and there are huge roadworks going on whilst they put the new tram lines in, so that will be an even bigger pain in the ass. There are three other options: A different branch of the gym I am at (but the parking situation is shit, the local leisure Centre, but it will cost me £10 extra a month as well as not having the luxury of being able to use the gym at home as well as getting a early session in on a Wednesday morning, or a local meat head gym that is really close but wont have any of the equipment I am currently using for rehab.. I could improvise, but I would look like a total tit!
On top of the 3rd world problems listed above, I am finishing an hour later every night so have the added stress of being later to pick up the little man as well as relying on a less than useful afternoon tea from nursery. Leo will be starting at Forest School a couple of days a week as of August (something else for Mummy to be worried about) and the food there is considerably better, but it is considerably further from work for me to get to pick him up.
The timing is basically shit and I am having to fight all of my control freak, perfectionist tendencies to stop myself from having a meltdown! I keep just telling myself to go with it, I will adapt, Leo will adapt and I will find a way. I think it is made worse by the fact that I just want a routine back. I want to feel like I am progressing with my fitness instead of it being groundhog day and I still have 8lbs that I want to shift as well as having muscle I want to get back and strength I just crave to see again. Currently, I am as weak as a kitten and my will power sucks. Every time I do more than 2 press ups, I suffer the agony of pissed off tendons for the next two days.
I just have to keep telling myself that I will get there and I will find my long forgotten routine and fitness once again, just in time for baby number two and losing it all over again! That bit however, is worth every second of this bit.
I decided I was sick of not being able to do anything even remotely cardio whilst repairing myself, so, I did some! We went for a run with the pushchair and I managed about 3k very slowly and then switched it up to side steps, high knees, bum kicks, lunges (very carefully!) and then squats and press up with the little man joining in. We also did some stretching and sprint starts with him, very cute!
The knees were sore and my Achilles was hitching about it all last night, but it was great fun. I had intended on doing it again this morning but I was a bit sore still so Tom went out with his mate for a 10k whilst Leo and I stayed home and did a bench workout, just upper body and abs. Let’s see how the elbows feel about that!