Not quite to plan

I weighed myself this morning. I’m heavier than I have been for a long time. I am 10lbs off my target and it’s just ridiculous. I need to get a grip of myself and set some serious disciplinary steps up. 

I can find excuses all day long, but I just need to knock it off. I don’t like carrying excess weight, I don’t like not fitting well in my clothes and I can do it. 

I am setting myself the goal of 5lbs off by the wild runner race, that is the end of September and I categorically will not fail. I then will aim for a further 3lbs before my friends wedding at the end of October. 

I am getting on pretty well with strength training again, bits of me keep complaining, but I’m just ignoring them. 

My plan will be to continue with my lunchtime gym trips for strength and tone. Once Leo is bathed and Tom is doing bed, I am then going to introduce an evening low intensity cardio into the mix. I can read and do my studying whilst working and then still not be that late to bed. I just don’t want to go back to 4am if I can help it, it’s a killer now I am back to working longer hours. 

My eating is simple to fix on the face of it. I just need to stop being a pig. Picking bits of Leo’s left overs is a killer and I can just stop that by binning them or at least tracking them and not eating my normal amount of tea! 

Simple when you write it down! 



I am on the final stretch of my notice period, only two days left to go.  Whilst I am really looking forward to the new adventure ahead, I am a creature of habit and the prospect of a routine change fills me with dread.  Whilst the journey in is no different as I am just around the corner from where I am now, the logistics of gym time are a pain in my ass.

It is just a bit too far away to get to the gym I currently go to now, it would take me 13 minutes, at least, each way: precious gym time being eaten away there and there are huge roadworks going on whilst they put the new tram lines in, so that will be an even bigger pain in the ass. There are three other options: A different branch of the gym I am at (but the parking situation is shit, the local leisure Centre, but it will cost me £10 extra a month as well as not having the luxury of being able to use the gym at home as well as getting a early session in on a Wednesday morning, or a local meat head gym that is really close but wont have any of the equipment I am currently using for rehab.. I could improvise, but I would look like a total tit!

On top of the 3rd world problems listed above, I am finishing an hour later every night so have the added stress of being later to pick up the little man as well as relying on a less than useful afternoon tea from nursery. Leo will be starting at Forest School a couple of days a week as of August (something else for Mummy to be worried about) and the food there is considerably better, but it is considerably further from work for me to get to pick him up.

The timing is basically shit and I am having to fight all of my control freak, perfectionist tendencies to stop myself from having a meltdown! I keep just telling myself to go with it, I will adapt, Leo will adapt and I will find a way.  I think it is made worse by the fact that I just want a routine back. I want to feel like I am progressing with my fitness instead of it being groundhog day and I still have 8lbs that I want to shift as well as having muscle I want to get back and strength I just crave to see again.  Currently, I am as weak as a kitten and my will power sucks.  Every time I do more than 2 press ups, I suffer the agony of pissed off tendons for the next two days.

I just have to keep telling myself that I will get there and I will find my long forgotten routine and fitness once again, just in time for baby number two and losing it all over again! That bit however, is worth every second of this bit.

I just can’t get going! 

It’s driving me mad, I just cannot find my flow with my exercise and weight loss this time. I was pretty good for most of the week and I did more cardio than I have for a long time, yet still I have put 2lbs on. I haven’t been amazingly strict, but I also haven’t had a 2lb gain week either. 

I am finding the whole thing really frustrating. I can’t dedicate enough time to the gym and I can’t dedicate enough time to meal prep, I can’t dedicate enough time to being a mum, I can’t dedicate enough time to studying, I can’t dedicate enough time to keeping a house: so instead I just bumble along achieving very little of fuck all, and it’s just no fun. I want to get cardio fitter but my bloody knee behaves like it’s being crushed by a vice after 2k, I want to get stronger but I don’t have time in my lunch break to do strength and cardio and I want to be better at yoga but my heels just constantly ache the second I suggest downward facing dog. 

I know that people all over instagram cram fitness, healthy eating, looking after a house and socialising around a having a child: but it is genuinely beyond me how they do it if they have a full time job with a one hour commute each way and want to spend any time with the family! 

I hate not having a good routine, I thrive off routine, but having a baby that switches sleep patterns more than the most fickle switch allegiances, means going to bed any later than 9.30 is a no go. Because there is so much pressure to not feed them to sleep, we stopped that, so now a 20 min bedtime is an hour and a half. So it’s quick tea then bed after that and it all starts again at 4.30 (because Leo thinks thats definitely the most ideal time to wake up) good job we listen to the ‘experts’ on shit like that! 

As you can probably tell from this, I’m irritated. I just want to feel good about myself again but don’t seem to be able to get there. My will power goes to shit when I’m tired and the fact that I haven’t gone without a broken night’s sleep in two years is really starting to take its toll on me. Isn’t it now people normally have another baby?!

That’s also another thing, I will get it all back in track and then decide I want another! If I’m not too old and broken that is. 

I hate writing negative posts, but the long and short of reality is that negativity can take a hold, no matter how hard you try. I don’t believe in wallowing, I believe in fixing things. I have some big changes I am in the process of making right now,  so hopefully they will prove to be the catalyst my motivation needs. 


With two weeks to go until Tough Mudder, I think it is very safe to say that I am not even close to being ready. I had fully intended to keep up with eating well and training whilst being off work for two weeks. Being ill for the first week and then being completely demotivated for the second, as being away for a long weekend, have not helped in the slightest. In fact, I think all I have managed to achieve is about an 8lb weight gain. 

Thankfully it is the half mudder, but I’m still not prepped for that or even feeling up for the challenge. Being strict for the next two weeks is the best I can do, and attempting to not injure myself of course! I’m sure someone said this was meant to be fun! 

Something is working

and I imagine it is the yoga. Whilst I am struggling to manage the progress through the additional discomfort, I am finding a way none the less.  At the gym today, I thought I would finish with a stretch that never fails to progress. I have done this stretch since I started in the gym as it really helped to ease off the knee pain that I experience when I am tight through my pelvis and hips.

January’s attempt


Today’s attempt.  Considerably better

As the only thing that I have been doing differently is yoga, then the conclusion is that it is yoga that is helping.  Clearly the pain is achieving something, although I do need to work out how to reduce the fatigue I am putting on my tendons as the last thing I need is RSI.  When I was working out this morning, I just avoided pushing down through my heels and I also kept a bend in my knee.  This stopped any feeling of strain and nerve pain that I was experiencing before.

I moved up to the next beginner level and it was incredibly tough, I wont do another session now until Thursday morning.  Tomorrow morning I am going to do some abs work as I haven’t done that for a long time!






Physical fail

The usual thing that puts a slow down on my fitness journey, pain. This time it’s my heels. I think I went in too quickly with the yoga and have overdone the stretch on my hamstrings, which in turn has irritated my achilies. This is obviously not a great thing to cause harm to, so I need to take it easy. 

This is one thing the app doesn’t include information on,  which as a beginner would be incredibly helpful: how to do yoga when you don’t bend! It would be great to have a section where you could view tips on how to start the positions without damaging yourself. 

I think for now I will have to reduce it to two sessions a week and get back onto strength stuff too. The weather was amazing this weekend and all I could see was my flabby triceps, back fat and untoned legs. As much as I don’t want that to be an issue for me, it is! 

The scales don’t lie! 

It’s been a lazy week and a heavy weekend, I have +5.5lbs to show for it too. I don’t like to do things by half! 

I had to seriously have a word with myself to hit the 4.30am shift in the gym today, and it’s not a pleasant experience. In fact, I feel like I am getting the chest virus that is doing the rounds. That in itself actually motivated me as I don’t know when it may render me out of action. I could also be making it worse of course, but I’m not pushing cardio so I think it will be fine. 

I feel absolutely exhausted, pretty drained and sore basically everywhere but it’s these times I have to call on all my well established resources and coping mechanisms that I have implemented over the years.. And I’m here, some might say it’s better than lazing around in bed: some may not!