Motivation 

This is something I have struggled with since returning to work: the motivation to get back to eating well and exercising well. Someone reached out to me recently and asked me how to motivate themselves, so it got me thinking about it. 

Motivation isn’t something you can force, in fact it’s the exact opposite, you have to look in many places until you find it’s glimmer: then you have to gently nurture it like the embers of a fire. 

My biggest hindrance this time around is knowing how motivated I was and how well behaved I was as far as diet and fitness were concerned. The mistake I made was assuming I would easily get back to where I was and be motivated in the same way. 

I am a completely different person now: mentally and physically. The motivation I had pre baby, didn’t come on like a light switch, it grew. I never assumed it should be there and this is what I am doing now. I’m trying to immediately emulate what I had before and that’s just wrong for me. I need to reset and accept this is a new journey, work for the quick wins and nurture that ember. Before I know it, the fire will be back, it already feels much stronger just from that simple change of mindset. 

Upheaval

I am on the final stretch of my notice period, only two days left to go.  Whilst I am really looking forward to the new adventure ahead, I am a creature of habit and the prospect of a routine change fills me with dread.  Whilst the journey in is no different as I am just around the corner from where I am now, the logistics of gym time are a pain in my ass.

It is just a bit too far away to get to the gym I currently go to now, it would take me 13 minutes, at least, each way: precious gym time being eaten away there and there are huge roadworks going on whilst they put the new tram lines in, so that will be an even bigger pain in the ass. There are three other options: A different branch of the gym I am at (but the parking situation is shit, the local leisure Centre, but it will cost me £10 extra a month as well as not having the luxury of being able to use the gym at home as well as getting a early session in on a Wednesday morning, or a local meat head gym that is really close but wont have any of the equipment I am currently using for rehab.. I could improvise, but I would look like a total tit!

On top of the 3rd world problems listed above, I am finishing an hour later every night so have the added stress of being later to pick up the little man as well as relying on a less than useful afternoon tea from nursery. Leo will be starting at Forest School a couple of days a week as of August (something else for Mummy to be worried about) and the food there is considerably better, but it is considerably further from work for me to get to pick him up.

The timing is basically shit and I am having to fight all of my control freak, perfectionist tendencies to stop myself from having a meltdown! I keep just telling myself to go with it, I will adapt, Leo will adapt and I will find a way.  I think it is made worse by the fact that I just want a routine back. I want to feel like I am progressing with my fitness instead of it being groundhog day and I still have 8lbs that I want to shift as well as having muscle I want to get back and strength I just crave to see again.  Currently, I am as weak as a kitten and my will power sucks.  Every time I do more than 2 press ups, I suffer the agony of pissed off tendons for the next two days.

I just have to keep telling myself that I will get there and I will find my long forgotten routine and fitness once again, just in time for baby number two and losing it all over again! That bit however, is worth every second of this bit.

Family workout 

I decided I was sick of not being able to do anything even remotely cardio whilst repairing myself, so, I did some! We went for a run with the pushchair and I managed about 3k very slowly and then switched it up to side steps, high knees, bum kicks, lunges (very carefully!) and then squats and press up with the little man joining in. We also did some stretching and sprint starts with him, very cute! 

The knees were sore and my Achilles was hitching about it all last night, but it was great fun. I had intended on doing it again this morning but I was a bit sore still so Tom went out with his mate for a 10k whilst Leo and I stayed home and did a bench workout, just upper body and abs. Let’s see how the elbows feel about that! 

It has to get worse.. 

Before it gets better! At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I had my another physio session a couple of days ago and once again, I have suffered. This time he focused on strength exercises for my glutes mainly and some ankle /foot stabilisation. My glutes are basically lazier than a teenage boy and getting them working is a killer. My hips have complained incessantly ever since, it’s tendon disruption rather than muscular and I always find that’s worse. 

I not new to this game, so I know that there will be considerable disruption on the road to recovery, I just need to be realistic and acknowledge my pain though. Mark is great, he adapts things to work around my broken pieces. I think he is pretty amazed at just how shit my glutes are though. As long as I keep my focus and don’t rush things it’ll be a different story in 6 month’s time! 

I just can’t get going! 

It’s driving me mad, I just cannot find my flow with my exercise and weight loss this time. I was pretty good for most of the week and I did more cardio than I have for a long time, yet still I have put 2lbs on. I haven’t been amazingly strict, but I also haven’t had a 2lb gain week either. 

I am finding the whole thing really frustrating. I can’t dedicate enough time to the gym and I can’t dedicate enough time to meal prep, I can’t dedicate enough time to being a mum, I can’t dedicate enough time to studying, I can’t dedicate enough time to keeping a house: so instead I just bumble along achieving very little of fuck all, and it’s just no fun. I want to get cardio fitter but my bloody knee behaves like it’s being crushed by a vice after 2k, I want to get stronger but I don’t have time in my lunch break to do strength and cardio and I want to be better at yoga but my heels just constantly ache the second I suggest downward facing dog. 

I know that people all over instagram cram fitness, healthy eating, looking after a house and socialising around a having a child: but it is genuinely beyond me how they do it if they have a full time job with a one hour commute each way and want to spend any time with the family! 

I hate not having a good routine, I thrive off routine, but having a baby that switches sleep patterns more than the most fickle switch allegiances, means going to bed any later than 9.30 is a no go. Because there is so much pressure to not feed them to sleep, we stopped that, so now a 20 min bedtime is an hour and a half. So it’s quick tea then bed after that and it all starts again at 4.30 (because Leo thinks thats definitely the most ideal time to wake up) good job we listen to the ‘experts’ on shit like that! 

As you can probably tell from this, I’m irritated. I just want to feel good about myself again but don’t seem to be able to get there. My will power goes to shit when I’m tired and the fact that I haven’t gone without a broken night’s sleep in two years is really starting to take its toll on me. Isn’t it now people normally have another baby?!

That’s also another thing, I will get it all back in track and then decide I want another! If I’m not too old and broken that is. 

I hate writing negative posts, but the long and short of reality is that negativity can take a hold, no matter how hard you try. I don’t believe in wallowing, I believe in fixing things. I have some big changes I am in the process of making right now,  so hopefully they will prove to be the catalyst my motivation needs. 

We went, we conquered.. 

.. Sort of! 

My knees were screaming but the rest of it was fine, my body strength wasn’t nearly as pathetic as I expected it to be either! It was great to be out doing something like that together again, it’s been ages! 

My aim now though, is to get 5k fit and conditioned and get some body fat off me once and for all! I have a wedding in October, so I want to be back in shape for that: or at least in a shape I prefer to be! 

I haven’t seen the pics yet, Tom has and said there isn’t a single good one of us unfortunately. I will be the judge of that! 

Unprepared 

With two weeks to go until Tough Mudder, I think it is very safe to say that I am not even close to being ready. I had fully intended to keep up with eating well and training whilst being off work for two weeks. Being ill for the first week and then being completely demotivated for the second, as being away for a long weekend, have not helped in the slightest. In fact, I think all I have managed to achieve is about an 8lb weight gain. 

Thankfully it is the half mudder, but I’m still not prepped for that or even feeling up for the challenge. Being strict for the next two weeks is the best I can do, and attempting to not injure myself of course! I’m sure someone said this was meant to be fun!