A tiny difference 

I can feel a miniscule difference in strength when I am working out my quads and I am far less restricted in my calves. I still can only just manage 2k running without my knees hurting but that is to be expected. I definitely won’t be doing the full mudder in September! 

Progress is hampered considerably by my lack of time in the gym, moving jobs has meant I only get 40 mins. This won’t be an issue once I can get onto heavier, more consistent workouts as I can reduce the reps. It’s frustrating that I am still wittering on about getting back into my rhythm a year down the line, I am one of the people I used to scoff at for constantly making excuses! There are none, I lack willpower, I am permanently frazzled from working full time and being a mum, I have just left a job I out my heart and soul into and was basically pushed out of on my return and I just need to reinvent it all, but don’t know where to start. I don’t feel strong in any way right now. 

That aside though, there is some progress, no matter how small! 

I just can’t get going! 

It’s driving me mad, I just cannot find my flow with my exercise and weight loss this time. I was pretty good for most of the week and I did more cardio than I have for a long time, yet still I have put 2lbs on. I haven’t been amazingly strict, but I also haven’t had a 2lb gain week either. 

I am finding the whole thing really frustrating. I can’t dedicate enough time to the gym and I can’t dedicate enough time to meal prep, I can’t dedicate enough time to being a mum, I can’t dedicate enough time to studying, I can’t dedicate enough time to keeping a house: so instead I just bumble along achieving very little of fuck all, and it’s just no fun. I want to get cardio fitter but my bloody knee behaves like it’s being crushed by a vice after 2k, I want to get stronger but I don’t have time in my lunch break to do strength and cardio and I want to be better at yoga but my heels just constantly ache the second I suggest downward facing dog. 

I know that people all over instagram cram fitness, healthy eating, looking after a house and socialising around a having a child: but it is genuinely beyond me how they do it if they have a full time job with a one hour commute each way and want to spend any time with the family! 

I hate not having a good routine, I thrive off routine, but having a baby that switches sleep patterns more than the most fickle switch allegiances, means going to bed any later than 9.30 is a no go. Because there is so much pressure to not feed them to sleep, we stopped that, so now a 20 min bedtime is an hour and a half. So it’s quick tea then bed after that and it all starts again at 4.30 (because Leo thinks thats definitely the most ideal time to wake up) good job we listen to the ‘experts’ on shit like that! 

As you can probably tell from this, I’m irritated. I just want to feel good about myself again but don’t seem to be able to get there. My will power goes to shit when I’m tired and the fact that I haven’t gone without a broken night’s sleep in two years is really starting to take its toll on me. Isn’t it now people normally have another baby?!

That’s also another thing, I will get it all back in track and then decide I want another! If I’m not too old and broken that is. 

I hate writing negative posts, but the long and short of reality is that negativity can take a hold, no matter how hard you try. I don’t believe in wallowing, I believe in fixing things. I have some big changes I am in the process of making right now,  so hopefully they will prove to be the catalyst my motivation needs. 

Physical fail

The usual thing that puts a slow down on my fitness journey, pain. This time it’s my heels. I think I went in too quickly with the yoga and have overdone the stretch on my hamstrings, which in turn has irritated my achilies. This is obviously not a great thing to cause harm to, so I need to take it easy. 

This is one thing the app doesn’t include information on,  which as a beginner would be incredibly helpful: how to do yoga when you don’t bend! It would be great to have a section where you could view tips on how to start the positions without damaging yourself. 

I think for now I will have to reduce it to two sessions a week and get back onto strength stuff too. The weather was amazing this weekend and all I could see was my flabby triceps, back fat and untoned legs. As much as I don’t want that to be an issue for me, it is!